


Patience

by Kat_Rowe



Series: Simple Gifts [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Naked Cuddling, Pre-Relationship, Relationship Discussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23386816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kat_Rowe/pseuds/Kat_Rowe
Summary: As wonderfully as things are developing between Abby and Marcus, she sometimes can't help but miss Jake. But Marcus understands and he will always be patient. (Abby/Marcus with mentions of Abby/Jake and Marcus/Callie.)
Relationships: Abby Griffin/Marcus Kane
Series: Simple Gifts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1671709
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Patience

**Author's Note:**

> More soon, I promise, and I apologize for the delay. I'd have probably had this and the next part up by now, but I got fairly sick, and then some stuff happened in RL to slow me down. I'll do my best to keep at it now. They will end up together soon, I swears it!
> 
> Many thanks to Veridissima for the beta and the overall encouragement in my ficcy endeavors <3

The weather had gotten worse as they made their way home, the sky turning dark and the temperature dropping as the wind picked up. Always one to put duty before his own desires, Marcus had left Abby at her door, promising to be back as soon as he made sure everyone was accounted for. Urging her to get warm and dry in his absence, he’d hurried off without seeming to notice his own dripping clothes. She’d been freezing by then, shaking hands making it a little difficult to get undressed. 

Once she was naked, though, it felt amazing to stand in her warm bedroom and towel off her damp, chilly skin. Giving her damp hair a final brisk rub, she stepped over to her mirror, studying her body for a moment. Callie had mentioned once that Marcus liked women with long legs, and Abby smiled as she contemplated how he would react to hers. 

Once, the idea of him admiring her legs would have annoyed her, but everything had changed so much.  _ He  _ had changed so much, finally become the kind of man that he’d probably always wanted to be. Now that they’d made it to Earth, now that they would be okay, he could temper his pragmatism with optimism and compassion. Those things, like his natural warmth, had always been inside him, just ruthlessly suppressed. Callie had been right: he was a good man, and a loving one.

Turning from her mirror, she opened one of her drawers, looking for an attractive nightgown, one that showed off her legs. She held one up for examination, then quickly placed it back in the drawer, shutting it hard. Chest tight and ears ringing, she turned away from the dresser. She’d traded for that nightgown, to wear on Jake’s birthday, his last one before... 

_ What was she doing? _

Jake was dead. The air had been sucked from his lungs. He had been blown out of an airlock and burned up in the Earth’s atmosphere. How could she just ignore that fact and offer herself to another man, less than two years later? Abruptly dizzy, she dropped onto her bunk, drawing her knees against her chest and resting her forehead against them. 

What was she doing? How had she gotten so carried away? Yes, the change in Marcus was amazing, beautiful, but did that really justify her own behavior the last few days? Jake would have known the answer to that; he could have told her. He’d always been so good at knowing what should be done, how things should be handled. Except the one time it had mattered most…

She whimpered, instinctively rocking herself where she lay. She’d almost forgotten how physically painful guilt and grief could be, as if someone had opened her up without anaesthetic, spread her ribs, and repeatedly punched the vulnerable organs beneath. She could barely breathe, couldn’t stop shaking, couldn’t stop crying, and every sob that escaped her just made her chest hurt worse. 

“Abby?” the voice sounded distant and echoey, but she would have recognized it anywhere.

Marcus. Shit, she’d left the door unlocked. He would be so upset when she sent him away, and the knowledge that he wouldn’t hold it against her just made her feel more guilty over the whole sick mess. She tensed at the feel of his hands on her face, shaking her head when he tried to urge it up. 

“Don’t,” she managed, struggling to breathe.

“What happened? Are you hurt?” he asked, voice full of concern as his fingers gently stroked her cheeks and temples. 

She shook her head, managing a soft noise of denial and, with a little more effort, “No. Please go away.”

“We both know that’s not going to happen,” he told her simply. 

She felt him move close, felt him kiss her hair, then a quilt was being draped over her. They’d traded for several in Polis, and this one was stuffed with feathers. It was so much heavier than the blankets they’d always used on the Ark, and the weight and bulk pressing down against her were oddly comforting. 

“Just breathe,” he directed, moving a hand to the back of her neck. 

“Marcus,” she protested, shaking her head and keeping her face pressed against her knees.

“ _ Breathe _ ,” he repeated more firmly, fingers lightly caressing the back of her neck. “You are allowed to cry, Abby, but I need you to breathe, too.” It was good advice, the kind of advice she would have dispensed herself, or that Jackson might have. And, like a man who had dealt with people overwhelmed by emotion before, Marcus actually helped her keep pace with a gentle, repeated, “In. And out. Good. In. Good. Out…”

She forced herself to try to breathe in time with his words and, slowly, the sobs subsided. He fell silent after that, sitting above her and continuing to stroke her neck as she got herself back under control.

“Thank you,” she whispered finally, sighing softly and adding, “I’m sorry.” 

“No,” he answered, sounding almost short.

“What?” she asked, lifting her head and frowning up at him.

“You’re not allowed to be sorry,” he answered, gently wiping her cheeks. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

She bit her lip at that, pulling herself into a sitting position and tugging the blanket with her to conceal her nudity. He’d changed into dry clothes before joining her, but his hair was still damp, so it couldn’t have been too long, and he obviously hadn’t even stopped to towel his hair dry. Sighing, she rearranged the blanket around her body, extending one hand to him. 

“I know I promised… implied…” she began, faltering a little.

“You let me kiss you, and we agreed to discuss things,” he answered, squeezing her fingers and smiling a little sadly at her. “I like to think we were both hoping for more, but you never promised me a thing, and it wouldn’t matter even if you  _ had _ .”

“I’m sorry, Marcus. I just…”

“You have other things on your mind. Or it’s too soon. Or you’ve changed your mind,” he concluded, biting his lip. “That’s not something you have to apologize for, Abby. None of those things are anything you need to apologize for.” 

Damn him for being so understanding! Tears formed in her eyes again and she looked away from him, gritting her teeth and refusing to let herself start sobbing like a child again. 

“I… I want to explain,” she began, stopping to draw a few deep breaths and trying not to feel hopelessly stupid.

“I already understand,” he answered, shrugging. He lifted his free hand to her face, cupping her cheek for a moment before dropping it to her throat, fingers brushing the chain she always wore there.

Her breath caught at that. Putting on the necklace every morning and taking it off every night where as habitual as brushing her teeth or emptying her bladder. It wasn’t even a conscious part of her routine anymore. Yet here she was, completely naked in bed with her wedding ring still on its chain around her neck. Jake was still that much a part of her.

She took a moment to compose herself, then said the first thing that popped into her head. “I miss him.”

“We all do. Jake was… a ray of sunshine,” Marcus told her, biting his lip and smiling sadly. “He was a good man, Abby. There’s nothing wrong with mourning his passing.” 

“The timing is wrong.”

He was silent for a moment, then his hand moved back to her face, cradling it. “Do you really think that the death of someone you love is something that happens to you, in an isolated moment, and never recurs?”

She bit her lip at that question, closing her eyes and leaning into his comforting touch.

“We’ve never been good at any of this. Life and death on the Ark were always just… means to an end. We didn’t let ourselves dwell; we couldn’t. Mom always claimed it was the worst thing about our society.”

“What would she have said?” she asked, opening her eyes again and staring curiously up at him. “About me and Jake?”

“Oh, she could have cited a dozen old religions and their views on death. Um, these are just off the top of my head. All flesh is grass. Death is only the beginning. We are born of and then go on to conceive stardust. Our journey never ends. From the Ground we come and to the Ground we return. Once is the same as always. Nothing lasts forever but the Earth and sky.  _ No one  _ is truly gone who has touched the heart of another.” 

He shrugged, leaning in and kissing her cheek. Just her cheek. He made no attempt to copy either of their previous kisses, teasing or lustful. He just pressed his skin to hers in an entirely platonic gesture of comfort and solidarity. It was his utter lack of need or expectation that started her tears flowing again. He was a good man, who only wanted to comfort her. He was, whatever he had been in the past or would be in the future, her  _ friend _ .

Smiling sadly, he drew her into his lap, holding her bundled up in the quilt like a child and kissing her hair. It felt  _ so  _ good, being held and comforted. She pressed her face into his shirt, smiling and letting herself relax. And he rubbed her back and, to her complete surprise, began singing to her.

She didn’t know the song, or the tune, but it must have been one of his mother’s hymns, a homily about the glories of living on Earth and the joys of leading a simple life. What really surprised her was his  _ voice _ . He sang beautifully, and the deep, rumbly tones sent pleasant shivers down her spine. He fell silent as the song ended, just holding her and rubbing her back.

Her chest still ached, and she missed Jake  _ so _ badly, but she found herself smiling despite all that. “Did Vera write that?”

“No,” he chuckled, shaking his head and kissing her hair again. “She’d sing it to me every night before bed, but it was old before the bombs fell.”

“That’s surprising. I didn’t think people Before believed things like that.” 

“The wise ones did. The problem was the other 99% of humanity.” He shrugged, smiling tenderly down at her. “You look exhausted. You should rest.”

“No,” she protested, wrapping her arms around his waist and shaking her head. 

“I’ll be here. But you have to rest.” 

She sighed at that, but couldn’t really argue. Snuggling into his chest felt  _ so  _ good…

“Let me hold you all night? Let me keep you wrapped up and safe in my arms?”

“Everyone’s safe with you. And, yes, please keep holding me.”

“Any time you need me to,” he assured her, hugging her tightly and gently swaying back and forth. And, God, being held and rocked by another human being felt better than it had any right to.

“Marcus...” 

“Shh. Just rest now. We’ll talk soon.” 

“Promise?” she whispered, smiling weakly up at him.

“I do promise. I’m starting to think we have a lot to discuss,” he told her, urging her head down against his shoulder. “I didn’t realize we would. I’m not used to this.”

She bit her lip at that, frowning and making a curious sound.

“Later,” he whispered into her hair. “Right now, you’re exhausted..” 

He was right about that. She felt as physically and emotionally drained as she did after ten hours of surgery. And, right now, wrapped in his arms and in the warm quilt, she felt safe as well as exhausted, protected. Mumbling her thanks, she closed her eyes and let herself enjoy the comfort he was offering. 

She drifted off at some point and, when she woke, Marcus was quietly snoring into her hair and still holding her tightly, even in his sleep. She smiled at that, and at the fact that he’d somehow managed not to fall over. Clearly a man who’d had a lot of practice sleeping while sitting up. Biting her lip, she gently slid out of his grip and maneuvered him onto his back.

“Shh,” she soothed when he mumbled in protest, gently patting his chest until he stilled again. “That’s better,” she murmured, climbing to her feet and carefully pulling off his boots. 

After a moment’s thought, she draped her quilt over him, then returned to her dresser, pulling on a pair of shorts and a shirt. Not that it mattered at this point, on anything but a symbolic level. He’d seen her naked, held her bare body against his. Had he looked? Had he taken any more note of her nudity than she did of a patient’s? Somehow, she didn’t think so. 

Smiling, she crawled back into the bunk, sliding under the quilt and snuggling up next to him. He made a happy noise as she came close, his arms closing around her again. 

“Are you awake?” she whispered. 

“Nope,” he answered, not opening his eyes but smirking slightly. “Are you?”

“No,” she chuckled, pressing her face into his shoulder. “Thank you, Marcus. I needed that.” 

“Cal said you didn’t cry much after it happened.” 

She opened her eyes at that, staring up at his calm face. “You and Callie talked about me?”

“She loved you. She was worried about you.” 

She considered that for a long moment. “You... could have used what she said against me.”

“I was a pragmatic bastard, not an evil one,” he told her. Shrugging, he opened his eyes, studying her face for a moment before telling her, “Cal wouldn’t have said a word to me if she’d thought it might come back to hurt you.”

“I never realized that the two of you just talked about things. I assumed you just kind of kicked her out right after…”

He bit his lip at that, expression pained. He sighed softly, then shrugged and shook his head. “The fact that there were… parameters to our relationship doesn’t mean that we weren’t genuinely fond of each other.” 

“Parameters?” she repeated, frowning and trying to reconcile that approach with… anything Callie had ever told her, or anything she’d come to learn about him in recent months. “You make it sound so clinical.” 

“It had to be,” he told her quietly. “Nothing else was safe.” 

She sat up, staring down at him and shaking her head. “Safe, Marcus? How is love ever safe?” 

He sighed, sitting as well and pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m not explaining this right, am I?”

“ _ Did  _ you love her?”

“No, and she didn’t love me. That was never the point of any of my relationships. She knew that, just like she knew that I cared about her more than I wanted to. But I couldn’t afford to emotionally compromise myself, and she needed to maintain her professional neutrality.” 

“So you set up rules to deliberately create distance?” 

He nodded slowly, sighing again. “That must seem so  _ wrong  _ to someone like you.” 

“To someone like me?” she repeated.

Marcus smiled slowly, giving her a fond look and cupping her cheek with one hand. “Yes, someone like you. You’ve never met a rule you didn’t at least  _ consider  _ breaking.” 

Grinning, she realized, “You actually  _ like  _ that about me, don’t you?” 

“You always keep me on my toes. Everyone should have someone like that.” 

_ I’m not used to this, _ he’d said before she fell asleep. 

Biting her lip, she reached up, cupping his cheek in her own hand. “You never have, have you? Really had someone?”

He hesitated, then slowly shook his head. Now she just wanted to hug the poor man. For all his past partners, he was still completely inexperienced when it came to relationships. She was going to have to be so careful with him, and so gentle.

“Have you ever been in love before, Marcus?” she asked.

He hesitated again, then looked away, clearing his throat and quietly telling her, “Not since I was a kid, and never with anyone who also…”

Oh, God. Everything really was completely new to him. No wonder he’d been so timid and unsure at first. Swallowing hard, she slowly drew him into her arms, resting her chin on his shoulder. 

“Are you going to be okay?” she asked him after a moment of just silently holding and being held.

“Are  _ you _ ?” he countered quietly. It was typical Marcus Kane, but she let him get away with it for now.

“I don’t know yet,” she admitted, hesitating for a moment. “When she was talking about me, did Callie ever tell you…”

“Ever tell me what?” he prompted when she faltered, nuzzling her temple.

“Jake,” she whispered, closing her eyes and forcing herself to breathe through the residual sense of pain and loss. “He was my first. He was it.”

“Oh,” he answered, and he sounded surprised, but not in any way judgemental. “God, Abby, I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry. It’s just…”

“All very complicated,” he concluded, tightening his gentle hold on her. “But we’ll figure it out together. Something tells me we’ll be butting heads a lot, but that’s nothing new. I’ll be patient with you if you’ll be patient with me. Deal?”

She drew back, smiling up at him. How could she  _ not  _ be comforted by his calm acceptance of the 

obstacles they would face? It was one thing to walk into a situation blind and optimistic. It was another to realize that the road would be rocky and still be willing to take it, knowing there would be obstacles and willing to face them to reach the end. 

“Marcus, I…”

“Shh,” he whispered, pressing his lips to hers. 

Abby sighed with relief, closing her eyes and leaning into the kiss. It wasn’t a passionate kiss or even a sensual one, but it was so tender and… patient, exactly as he’d promised. She wasn’t sure she’d ever been kissed so chastely in her life, and there was something wonderful in the knowledge that he wanted her, but wasn’t in any hurry to claim her.

When he broke away, she stole a final quick kiss before he drew back, smiling. “Thank you,” she whispered, cupping one of his cheeks.

“Shh. You don’t get to thank me unless I get to thank you, too,” he answered, leaning into her touch with a warm smile. “So thank  _ you _ , Abby. You’ve made everything these last few months so much more bearable.”

“I’m glad.” Smiling, she asked, “Are you going to stay tonight?”

“If I’m invited to, absolutely,” he agreed, laying back and opening his arms to her. “Come here.” 

It felt good to slide down against his chest and feel his arms close around her as she tucked her head against his shoulder. It felt better when he shut the light off and drew the quilt over them, almost creating the illusion they were the only two people in the world. When morning came, there would be medical and leadership emergencies, people in need of immediate care and guidance, people continuing to treat her and Marcus as if they’d never seen two adults enter into a relationship before…

But, for now, she could close her eyes, revelling in his warmth and scent, and letting his breathing lull her. This was something she’d missed, too, and one that felt far less like being unfaithful to Jake. With time, of course, it would become easier to share other, deeper intimacies with Marcus. But, for now, despite her earlier guilt and uncertainty, this felt like a perfect start. 

**The End**


End file.
